SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY : No, I'm Billy Anderson.
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TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you
to keep yours.
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TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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HAROLD : Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER : Of course not.
HAROLD : Good, because I didn't do my homework.
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MOTHER : Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR : Because of absence.
MOTHER : You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR : No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
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SILVIA : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I! think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA : Your name on this report card.
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BOY : Isn't the principal a dummy!
GIRL: do you know who I am?
BOY : No.
GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter.
BOY : And do you know who I am?
BOY : Thank goodness!